Not everyone must answer all the prompts; the goal is a rich discussion.
Prompts:
* How do you want to die? Where do you want to die?
* How would you determine what is 'appropriate care'? Is doing nothing ever appropriate? When?
* What is a good death?
* How is death removed from us?
* Do you have an obligation to care for a family member who is dying? At what cost to yourself?
* How would you negotiate between the patient and close family? Is the patient the unit of care? The patient + family? How often? Under what circumstances?
I believe that I would like to die at my home. I want to die in a peaceful manner without any pain. I believe that a good death would be when an individual has excepted the fact that they are going to die. Also a good death involves an individual to be at peace of mind with the fact that they will be leaving there loved ones behind.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of a good death is largely seen as instant and painless; however, it is arguable that there is no such thing as a good death. If the victim dies then the friends and family will be grieving and past, unresolved tension between family members which could cause grief for those involved. It is also odd that many want to die quickly and without pain, but family members seem determined to keep the person alive even though it would seem to be against a "good" death.
ReplyDeleteWhile I have thought about death before, I have always done it under the pretext of nursing – if this happens, the patient will die, when this is happening the patient is in the process of dying, nurses do these things to prevent death from happening ect. These concepts have helped to keep death neatly packed away as a theoretical event, something so far off that I need not worry about it, unless discussing patient care. This class, however, erupts those boundaries that have been built around my perception of death and forces me to think about and even discuss how I would like it to happen. While it feels weird to think about these things, I believe that I would like to die surrounded by the people who love me most and by the spirits of loved ones who have passed. I always find it comforting to think of death like a partition that divides the different aspects of reality – life and the life-after. What better way to pass through the divide then by being sandwiched between my living loved ones who are sending me off, and the passed away loved ones that are welcoming me home. While I know how I would like to die, the other details are fuzzier. I think I would like to die in a hospital, so that my home does not become a constant reminder of my death, only a reminder of my life.
ReplyDeleteThinking about my own death leads me to consider what I view as a good death and what I think is a bad death. While I never feel that death is a completely good thing in and of itself, death can be a certain relief for those who have suffered for quite some time. A good death seems to come out of living a good life – losing a good person one loves is debilitating, but the idea of their legacy continuing on can be a consolation. I am sure for the person dying, knowing that he or she has lived the way they wished and fulfilled all his/her major dreams has to be somewhat rewarding. Seeing the many people on the Frontline video struggle immensely before their deaths, leads me to consider if their deaths were good or bad and who they were good or bad for. From the perspective of the family, the extra time may be a consolation, from the perspective of the dying person every day in agony is one more day away from peace. This class has brought many different issues for me to consider, and these are just my answers to a few of the prompt questions. I can now see how challenging, but also eye-opening this class can become and how much of it is truly a tool for introspection and the formation of new ideas.
They way that I would like to die would be in my sleep, and in bed. This way I would die a quick and painless death. I think appropriate care would be taking care of whatever the patient's wishes may be. If they want everything done to them in order for them to survive I would call that appropriate. But on the other hand if nothing is done, this could be considered appropriate care as well, because maybe the patient does not want anything done to them. I feel that a good death is a quick death. I discussed this the other day with family and we all came to the conclusion that we would rather hear that one of us died quick (like in a car accident) rather than sitting in a hospital for numerous days, and then having to say goodbye. I don't know if death is really ever removed from us, because we always have memories of those that we have lost. Even though that person is gone, the memories are always there. So I feel like it is difficult to actually remove death. If a family member was dying, I don't know if I would feel obligated to take care of them. If it was my parents, I definitely would but I don't know about relatives. I would just want to do whatever I could to help. I feel like if one is suffering, you would want to do everything possible to take care of them, but on the other side of things they may not want anything done. I think that this class will teach me new things that I didn't know before and could also lead me to new perspectives.
ReplyDeleteFor me, a good death is dying painlessly and unexpectedly (surgery, in my sleep, etc.). For others, who may be left to mourn my death, probably would not be satisfied with this response. I feel those left behind are usually the ones who find death the most painful because grievance is an emotion difficult to control. The only way we can be removed from death in my opinion is by accepting that God is in control and by giving up our burdens to Him.
ReplyDeleteI would feel obligated to care for an immediate family member no matter what the cost. Appropriate care would be doing what ever they ask of me or by doing what makes them the most comfortable.
This is a true story from Washington state, passed along by my mother-in-law, who lives there:
ReplyDeleteA 62 year old man was fishing in the Keystone Ferry area, and hooked a 28 pound king salmon. After a twenty minute battle between man and fish, the guy finally pulled the fish onto shore, where he then collapsed. Other fishermen in the area ran over to help--including a retired fireman, who performed CPR--to no avail. The man died, with that fish on the shore beside him. In an update a few days later, I heard that after the funeral, a private supper was held, just family and a few close friends; they ate the salmon and toasted their loved one, who died doing the very thing he enjoyed most.
Does this qualify as a good death? I've heard many people say, after hearing this story, that "that's the way to go!" But there are details we won't be privvy to, but can guess at: the shock and sadness of the family, who didn't get to say goodbye; the grandchildren who would grow up to forget him; the widow, who now faces her old age alone.
What is a good death? Can it ever be good if the person has much to live for? Does the absence of suffering make it good?
I could ponder this for countless hours, and still not come up with how I would prefer to die. Any scenario arrives at the same ending: the people I love would suffer. It's a thought I cannot bear. I have no choice but to live forever. (I'd put a little smiley face here, but in a blog about death, it would be strangely out of place)
"Do not go gentle into that good night; Rage, rage, against the dying of the light!" Dylan Thomas.
I would like to die peacefully in my home. However, most Americans die in hospitals. The top cause of death for Americans is heart disease. A good death includes knowing when death is coming, understanding what can be expected, being able to retain control of what happens, being afforded dignity and privacy, having control over pain relief and other symptom control, having choice and control over where death occurs, having access to information and expertise of whatever kind is necessary, having access to any spiritual or emotional support required, having control over who is present and who shares the end, being able to issue advance directives which ensure wishes are respected, and having time to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteBasically, a good death is dying the way you want to die. Which, I hope for any person, is dying at his house and surrounded with friends and family. Death should be peaceful and people shouldn't be in pain when they die. Also, the person should be ready to die and have no regrets with the life they lived. Even though this sounds like a good death, most of the time no one has the chance to experience a good death. I hope when ever I do die I'll be able to have a good death.
ReplyDeleteSince it is highly unlikely that I will live forever, not sure if I would want to if given the choice, I would like to die a wrinkly old woman. I want it too happen a day after a big family reunion, so that I could see and be with my family one more time. I would want to be in the house that I raised my family in when I die tucked into bed and at home.
ReplyDeleteAs a nursing major I think that I would approach what is appropriate care differently then how others approach the quetsion. I think that appropriate care does not subject the patient to fugile procedures/care. Sometimes one of the best things to do for a patient is do nothing at all. To control their pain and let them go.
I think that a good death is subjective. To the person dying, a good death might be painfree and quick. However to that person's family, getting to say goodbye to a family member before they pass might be their definitin of a good death. It is hard to think that "good" can be paired with death, but I know that I can think of numerous situations that would be considered a "bad" death, i.e. drowning, burning, etc.
I think that death is removed from the general population because of how advanced our health care is. No one dies at home anymore. The elderly are kept separate from the rest of society so that even the dying process is hidden.
I beleive that we all have an obligation to a family member who is sick and dying. Even if it is a member who is not an immediate member of our family, I still think we could help them out in diffrent ways. For example, around the time my dad got sick, my aunts and uncles were extremly helpful to my mom by bringing my younger brothers and I over to their house for the weekend. They also helped out with transporting us to our ball games, girlscout meetings and to school. I am so greatful for all that they did for us during that time and I don't think that without the help from my extended family we could have managed to do anything that was "normal" for kids going through a time such as we did.
ReplyDeleteI would want to die at an old age and having no regrets. I would like to feel that I have accomplished everything that I wanted to within my lifetime. I would like to be able to have a final goodbye with all the people close to me so that I don’t leave any words unsaid. I don’t think I would care whether I was at my home or in a hospital as long as I was surrounded by people who love me. I don’t want to die suddenly because I think that would be harder on my family and friends to be left with no closure. Also, the thought of dying suddenly is just scary to think about. To think that you could be alive in one second and then the next second not be is very hard for me to grasp. I think I use the term scary to define death because it is so unknown what will happen next. Even if you do believe in an afterlife such as heaven, if you think about dying suddenly you start to question whether or not you have been living your life as well as you think you should. I think a lot of people ignore death because they don’t want to really take a step back and evaluate their life because they are afraid they might see something they don’t like.
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ReplyDeleteI believe I would like to die in my sleep. This would probably be the least painful way, though maybe not for family members. Though I'm not sure there is a non-painful way for family members. However, if I die knowing I didn't fulfill a live dream or something to that affect, it would not be a good way to die. If I die doing something that I love I imagine I would be okay with that and maybe this would help my family also because they would know I died doing something I love. I don't think I really care where I die as long as I'm surrounded by the people I love and care about.
I don't really have a good answer for what appropriate care is but I would say if they have a chance of living then definitely it is appropriate but then again people beat the odds so I can't really answer this. My boyfriend's uncle has had stage 3b bladder cancer for 4 or 5 years now. It has spread to his lungs and lymph nodes but despite the odds he's still going strong. He was told in the beginning that he had 6 months to a year to live and he has lived 3 years past that with little pain. It is situations like these that made it hard to determine when to stop or what is appropriate because people fight through.
Do you have an obligation to care for a family member? Well I would like to think that everyone would but you obviously don't have to if you don't want to. I think you have a moral obligation though perhaps because I don't know how someone could live with their selves knowing that they could have helped that person. This again is kind of difficult to answer when you ask at what cost to you? I mean you don't have to pay for anything, unless of course it's you child or spouse who probably share the same insurance plan as you, if the child is of that age. Therefore yes you're going to have to pay the bills, but with other family members, I think it would be nice if you helped them maybe by raising money for them but I don't think you should put yourself in a bad place financially trying to pay for their care/bills.
As a society we are death fearing and we don't really accept death very easily especially if it is a child. I think this could be because we like to be optimistic. We don't like to think that bad things happen. I think that all of us believe we're superheroes that are immune to death and being injured.
A good death would be one where the person dies without regret and with dignity. As i hope to die at an old age knowing I lived life to the fullest and sliding into heaven sideways saying "what a ride!" In conclusion with everyone else I hope it to be painless and in my sleep at my house where my family resides.
ReplyDeleteI agree with a previous statement saying death is removed from us by our faith in God. He can provide us comfort and guidance in such troubling and difficult times.
I believe we all have responsibilities to care for family members who are dying, it's a way of showing our final respects to them. A little time would be the only cost paid in caring for a dying loved one and that doesn't compare to everything you will earn from that task.
A good death to me is going out at an old age and in the comfort of my own home. I wouldn't want an instantaneous death because that wouldn't be fair to my family to say their goodbyes. I have asked my friends this before if they would want to know the exact date and time they were going to die and most said yes so they could do whatever they want for the last year they are alive. To me, I wouldn't want to know because I wouldn't want to dread that day and I just want to live my life to the fullest. I don't want to have any regrets saying I wish I would have did this, or I shouldn't have fought with that person, or I should have traveled there.
ReplyDeleteI believe appropriate care is when the doctor says we have used up all of our options and the only thing to do now is there is this experimental trial. But, I don't know how I will react until I am put into the situation. I do believe some people go to the extreme and my question is at what cost? Some people are in comas for years and never regain consciousness and I wouldn't want to go through that or put my family through that. People go through intense treatments to just have an extra day to live, but if the cost is that person will be in more pain just so the family can give a proper goodbye then I don't think that is fair to the patient.
I do believe we have an obligation to take care of our family members who need our help. If my parents or grandparents were sick and didn't want to go to a nursing home or but stuck in a hospital then I would welcome them with open arms into my house. If it wasn't for them then I wouldn't be on this earth today. Or even if it was another family member I would still welcome them because they have shaped me who I am today in some way.
Thinking about death, I've always wanted to die a fast and hopefully painless death. I generally say I would like to go in my sleep. I know that that is a cliché statement, however I do believe, from my experiences with death, it seems to be the easiest/less painful way to go. I would prefer to pass away at my house versus a hospital, however, I would be content, if I had to, to die in a hospice care center where the rooms are semi-hospital like, however, very home-like. I constitute a "good" death as a death where the patient has been able to come to terms about his/her illness and ready to pass onto whatever he/she believes in as an after-life. I also say that a characteristic of a "good" death is one where the patient states that he/she is content with their life when they look back on it and the death is as quick as possible and as painless as possible. As being a family member that has helped in the care of loved ones who were in the process of dying I do feel as the care is an obligation, however, it should not feel as one because one should look at the situation as if, “would that person do it for me?” I also feel like it should not run the care-taker into the ground, however, I do feel like the family member should be cared for, whether it means doing everything possible to make sure he/she is able ot pass away in their home, or making sure that someone is there for them, etc. It should be a comforting obligation really, or at least that is what I would want.
ReplyDeleteI believe a good death would be one that is fast and unexpected. It may be selfish to want that because others would not be able to say goodbye, but it would be the easier way to go. I believe it is so depressing to know you are going to die soon. I believe everyone sees death differently. It depends on the person receiving the care if not giving care is acceptable. If someone does not want to receive a certain treatment, I don;t they should have to. But, it isn't always that easy. Many patients agree to take some sort of treatment not to prolong their life for themselves, but to prolong their life for their loved ones. Continuing with that idea, I believe the patient has the right to decide, not the family. If a patient signs a DNR, I find it weird that a family member is able to override that decision. I feel like that is selfish and everyone should be able to respect the patients wishes. In my perfect world, I would die in my sleep and not have to deal with any of the legal documents that determine who is able to decide my fate.
ReplyDeleteGood death is completely subjective. I’ve noticed that many people have mentioned a good death to be dying at home with family. I think that a death at home may be comfortable, but I cannot deem it “good”. I would like to propose a different theory. Throughout human history, whether for a religious or political cause, a martyr’s death has been considered the most meaningful way to die. To be good, something has to have a motivational quality. A good death has to be purposeful in a way where good can come forth from it. People look up to martyrs as leaders of their cause. I’m sure no one will say that death is a good thing, but if someone dies in order to show how worthwhile their cause is, good comes from it. This of course has to be subjective because the “good” that the martyr is doing may not seem good to others.
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ReplyDeleteI would like to die painlessly, happily, and alone. I will have made my peace with my loved ones and said my goodbyes. No one wants to see anyone die, and that will be a lasting image in their minds. I would much prefer them to remember the good times we have had.
For terminal patients, I would say ‘appropriate care’ would consist of allowing the patients to pass without pain (or as little as possible). Doing nothing is never appropriate, at the very least assist them in their passing to give them as “good” of a death as possible. I would consider this “good death” to be the same as what I explained for how I’d like to go; at peace. At peace with everything and everyone, and with no remorse for anything.
Caring for a dying relative is a touchy subject. You always want to respect their wishes, but sometimes it’s too hard to let them go. Ideally, the best thing you could do would be to spend time with them and allow them to say their goodbyes.
A good death, to me, would entail dying in a peaceful, painless matter in either my own home or that of someone close to me. The matter of if I would like to know that I’m about to die or not has always been a matter of thought. If I was unaware, then there would be no worry beforehand. Dying unexpectedly seems like it would be the easiest for a person. It wouldn’t, however, allow one to prepare by saying goodbye to loved ones, making any needed amends with people, or discussing things such as funeral preparation and wills. Dying unexpectedly would also be harder on the family I think. They would be caught off guard. My mom occasionally tells me to make sure I’m making smart decisions because if I die, I won’t be the one who suffers, it’ll be her and everyone else that loves me.
ReplyDeleteDeath has a very negative connotation and because of that, it is removed from society in a hush hush manner. No one likes to talk about it, think about it or prepare for it in some cases. No matter how you define the exact moment of death, it involves a person leaving this earth and leaving behind all those who care and love them. This is a change and a goodbye and many people do not like changes or goodbyes.
Everyones opinion on death can be very different. Also, everyone has a different definition of death. Especially if they have a strong experience with death. For me personally I think that I would like to die at an old age, maybe around age 85. I hope that I am able to live a relatively healthy life and maybe just die of old age. I would certainly want to die around my family. Being a nursing major I believe that the term “ appropriate care” can be related to the term “palliative care”. This means comfort measures. I also believe that appropriate care is anything that the patient wants. For example some patients want more treatment than others. A good death also depends on the patient. A good death would mean the patient and family has excepted the death. Obviously that is not always the case. I think if a family member is close , than you feel you have an obligation. A child would feel much more obligated to take care of their mother than their 3rd cousin. It also depends on the relationship with the family member. Obviously the closer you are, the more obligated you will feel to take care of that family member. I believe that in the case of death and dying, the patient and the family are the unit. Death is such a sensitive subject and a suffering patient always is the center of focus. It is extremely important to aid in the patients need during such a crucial time. However during the death of a patient, a family still lives on and grieves that patient. So it is equally as important to consider the family needs during this time.
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